Adventures Of The Ballbusters

Adventures Of The Ballbusters is the second book in The Chronicles Of The Sea Of Dimensions, and it follows the bizarre adventures of the space heroes known as The Ballbusters.

Sections
It can roughly be split into four different sections which all connect up.
 * 1) The First Bit
 * 2) Snow, Fascists, And Domes
 * 3) Mission: Impossible
 * 4) The Dark Dimension

The First Bit
Chapter ! The Ballbusters. Captain Nick StubbornB, First Officer Jaysus, Second Officer Buster The Dog, and Cabin Boy Camyin. Their ship sailed through the solar flare with beautiful fluency and stuff. The special solar sail flapped in the same wind that caused the American Flag to blow on the moon.

Captain Nick stepped forward on the main deck and stared out the mucky window. In the distance was the desert planet Draconia, the famous square planet.

Buster ran up to the control panel and clicked a big red button to allow the incoming message to be projected onto the spaceship screen.

“Hello friends!” said the voice of Angus, psychopathic warrior of the Zingzangzoolobaster tribe.

“It would seem that Angus and his friends got there before us.” said Nick in his wise voice of awesomeness.

Angus was the leader of the war lovers that kidnapped Princess Xema ###@!!!. He was waiting on Draconia and hoping to find the terrible slobberbeast of hel that lived there.

“I was hoping that you wouldn’t come here, but seeing as you have I have decided to KILL YOU!!!!” Angus started laughing maniacally.

First Officer Jaysus rushed over to the spaceship loudspeaker and shouted in a friendly warning about the end of the world.

Camyin kissed Buster and screamed.

Nick sighed.

Angus continued laughing. Then he pressed the nuclear launch button, sending a pair of deadly nuclear missiles hurtling from the launch pad on Draconia towards the Ballbuster Spaceship. Chapter !! Before the missiles could hit the spaceship, something flashed in front of the window and batted them away with a single flap of its wing.

Nick groaned and opened the airlock to let it in. The saviour was in fact a superpowered falcon wearing a stylish black cap with the words 39Thirty Medium-Large Team Falcon Headwear engraved in red lettering on it. It was the Egghead.

The falcon flew through the airlock and removed its cap, immediately transforming it into a ten foot tall human with the same hairstyle as a drunk Orangutan. His hair was pitch black and his skin was a light brown colour.

“Hello Egghead!” said Camyin, who had been friends with the Egghead since...some other time.

Egghead greeted Camyin and walked onto the main deck, where Nick, Jaysus and Buster were standing.

“Thank You for saving us Egghead. We would be the contents of an ashtray if not for you.” Nick did not say. Instead he growled like an angry bear and pointed at Draconia.

Angus’ angry voice game back onto the speakers, “So, your little Falcon friend saved you! It is the last time! Come on down to the desert, and see your beloved princess...be devoured!” He started laughing again, but Camyin threw a mop at the tv and caused it to explode in a shower of sparks.

“Oi, that was worth Five Thousand Credits you brainless pumpkin!” yelled Nick.

Camyin pretended not to hear him and disappeared to empty the trash.

Draconia got closer and the Solar Sail folded up. They were coming in for landing. Chapter !!! The sand whipped around the Ballbusters and the Egghead as they exited their spaceship, which was once a hearse for two thousand Soldiers.

They could see Angus standing with his arms crossed in the distance, and army of heavily armoured men with large blades coming out of their wrists. Every soldier had a bald head and special blood face paint instead of a helmet. Don’t ask why.

The group moved towards the army, and they were met by Angus. His black suit and slick black hair was in direct contrast with the golden sand, and somehow it was spotless.

“I didn’t expect you to come. It is good to see you Nick, Jaysus, Buster, Egghead and...whatever that thing is.” he said, gesturing at Camyin, who shrugged and made an immature joke.

“Well, here we are.” said the Egghead, “And we are going to kill you!” The Ballbusters cheered and prepared their pluto guns, and the Egghead fitted his cap on. Unfortunately, as he began his transformation into a Falcon, Angus shot him with a freeze gun.

The Egghead froze.

His arms were wings, his feet were talons, and he had a couple of feathers here and there, but everything else was human. Egghead swore.

Angus then dragged Princess Xema ###@!!! out of a little cage. She smiled.

“My, it is so lovely to be with my own peops again!” she cried as she skipped towards her friends. Suddenly, a huge blubbery tentacle shot out of nowhere and wrapped itself around her. She screamed as she was dragged away.

The creature had thick grey skin. In its huge mouth were a million razor sharp teeth, and its two eyes stared creepily at the army. It dragged itself over the sand dunes with its tentacles and the pair of arms that it had. Then it ate the princess. It was the size of two jupiters, and it was called…

THE SLOBBERBEAST OF HEl!!!! Chapter !@ The slobberbeast began to pick up speed, and within a microsecond, it was right next to the army. The soldiers fired their detachable blades at the slobberbeast, but they could not break through its thick skin.

The soldiers used laser guns on the slobberbeast, but they had the same aim as a stormtrooper.

Several soldiers were picked up by multiple different tentacles and thrown into the slobberbeast’s mouth. It used it clawed hands to crush sections of the army.

The only people not fighting were: Angus, who was running to his speeder bike. The Ballbusters, who were running to their spaceship. And Egghead, who was frozen from shock.

Camyin grabbed Egghead, but the Slobberbeast saw them and made an attempt to grab them. Camyin picked up a grenade and chucked it at the slobberbeast, which batted it away. The grenade landed at the feet of Egghead, and in one second, he was blown to smithereens, his guts and bones splattering all over Camyin. The only identifiable thing was the 39Thirty Medium-Large Team Falcon Headwear, which was flying through space and to the very edge of the universe. From there, it blasted its way out of the universe and into the Twilight Zone, then it passed The This Has Been Removed Due To Copyright Claims, where it saw a giant reptile, and finally it stopped in the void. The endless valley that exists far beyond the reaches of space and time.

From his speeder bike, Angus watched with binoculars as the cap flew away, until it disappeared in a bang. It was impossible, even for binoculars, to see past the Twilight Zone. Seeing that the slobberbeast had almost eaten his entire army, Angus reved up the engine and zoomed towards his landing craft.

The Ballbuster’s spaceship was having problems getting off Draconia, mainly because the slobberbeast had latched its tentacles around the space hearse in the hopes that it could drag it to its doom.

“Come on, you can do it!” said Jaysus as he tried to get the spaceship into hyperspace.

Luckily, at that moment, the core of Draconia decided that it was fed up with this world, so it turned itself into a black hole. The entire planet immediately imploded, and the slobberbeast froze for a moment before it was squished in between a large rock and an ancient temple, and then disappeared entirely. The only thing left was The Ballbuster’s Space Hearse, which they very quickly flew away. Chapter @ Through the (almost) endless stars and dark that is called space they flew, until they finally reached their destination: Kepler-186F. Kepler-186F was the first populated planet that was discovered by humans. It was around the same size, shape, colour, weight and width as earth.

In fact, the only difference was that there was no such thing as a Hippopotamus living there, instead there was a strange creature that was a mix between a Hippo and a Seal. A HippoSeal.

The spaceship lightly landed on its landing pad on Kepler-186F, and they were greeted by a large group of peacekeepers. The Ballbusters explained the situation and the fate of Princess Xema ###@!!! and the Egghead.

“You killed them both!” said Commander Hulkan of the peacekeepers.

“Did you not hear what we just said?” asked Camyin.

Commander Hulkan wasn’t listening. “If you do not retrieve the 39Thirty Medium-Large Team Falcon Headwear cap within one week, you will be tied to the walls of the fortress by you dangly bits and forced to read Twilight until the day you die-or the day you dangly bits fall off.” The Commander had obviously forgotten he was a peacekeeper.

Nick began to protest.

“BEGONE!” roared Commander Hulkan.

The Ballbusters yelped and returned to their spaceship, which very quickly launched and flew as fast as it could towards the end of the universe. Chapter @! As the spaceship kept on flying, Camyin made some of his special curdled milk for the rest of the crew. Jaysus and Buster happily drank it, but Nick made sure to throw it into Camyin’s sleep-out on the spaceship, AKA his dungeon.

Jaysus clicked a button and cleaned the mucky windows so that they could actually see what was going on outside.

The solar wind blasted into the solar sails and sent the ship flying away. They went faster, faster, faster, faster, faster, faster, faster, faster, faster, faster, faster, faster, faster,

until the solar wind got stopped by a passing space chicken.

“Oh...my...god.” said The Ballbusters in usion.

The space chicken was called Dorcus, daughter of Keith. Dorcus was very angry, because its favourite egg had just been destroyed. (Dorcus only laid square eggs, because she had OSD. (Obsessive Square Disorder)) Dorcus squawked in rage and charged at the space herse to get revenge for Draconia.

“Hard a starboard!” said Nicholas.

Jaysus sprinted to the steering wheel and turned it left.

“I said hard a starboard!” “Yes, left!” “No! Starboard is right, port is left!”

“How can you tell the difference?” “There’s a little bit of port left in the bottle!” Just in the middle of this extremely interesting conversation, Dorcus flapped her wing and smashed the spaceship away. The crew were flung onto the wall, and Camyin was covered by the curdled milk in the pot he was carrying. This caused him to have the reaction that most people have when covered in Camyin’s curdled milk, which was throwing up.

Dorcus squawked again and pierced the port motor with its beak.

“Port engine is down sir!” said Camyin before throwing up again.

Dorcus giggled a chicken giggle and smashed the ship aside, sending it flying into the nearest speeding asteroid. Multiple annoying beeping noises shot into action, because that is what happens in spaceship emergencies. Chapter @!! Dorcus continued to tear at the spaceship mercilessly. It was a brutal battle, but it was quite obvious that the chicken was going to win. Using its bulging laser eyes gifted to the space chickens by Maturin, it fired at the space herse. Luckily for the Ballbusters, a huge meteor sped past and deflected the lasers towards Dorcus, who easily dodged them.

Being invincible, the lasers continued to go through the universe until the hit the edge of the twilight zone. Seeing as they were not as powerful as the 39Thirty Medium-Large Team Falcon Headwear, they bounced off the edge of the universe and hit a planet called BeetleFrootNuttle. There, a young man called Bill Briers was in trouble with a large Zellophod Kraken. The Kraken was about to kill him, only to be instantly exploded by the lasers. BeetleFrootNuttle was destroyed, but nobody noticed because it was so underpopulated.

You may be wondering why on earth the meteor survived the lasers. Well it was actually an alien life form that had evolved to be utterly invincible.

When Dorcus realised that this meant that this meant that the Ballbusters were protected by Satan, it quickly disappeared into the Void. Remember that now.

Onboard the space herse, Camyin and Jaysus and Buster and Nick were watching a movie about a person getting shrunken. The person visited a tree that was inhabited by a spider demon, who told the person he could help him. The demon betrayed him, but then it rained blood and the spider demon burned to death.

The space herse continued on its journey. Chapter @!!! Onboard a very different spaceship (a giant destroyer called The Executioner) in a very different solar flare, Angus stood with his hands crossed behind his back. An officer walked up behind him, crossed his arms and adjusted his cap.

“Sir, we have just had two messages from The Trusty Servant and The Famous Cock.”

“And?” said Angus without turning his head.

The Officer gulped nervously. “They both failed.” Angus growled and used his psychic powers. Far away, both The Trusty Servant and The Famous Cock were scrunched into scrap metal, crew members and all.

The officer shuddered and began to turn away.

“Wait officer!”

The officer waited. Then his brains exploded into a messy pulp.

Angus stepped over the messy corpse as it began to crumble into ashes and stood at the top on the bridge overlooking the control room of his flagship, and roared out a command.

“We will find that cap if it is the last thing we do!”

A few feeble sniggers erupted among the officers, and then a few brains erupted among the officers.

Far, far away, The Ballbusters were still flying. They were almost at the edge of the universe, although they needed a lot of power to break into the twilight zone.

“Captain, we are almost there.” said Jaysus.

“Very good.” said Nick.

“Woof, woof!” said Buster.

“I’m still sick.” said Camyin.

Through the solar flare they sailed, until the edge of the universe was in sight. The giant

Diamond wall shimmered in the starlight, sending powerful rays of light into the windows of the space herse. Even better, it was only one day into their journey! Even worse, there were twenty days to go. Chapter !# The Ballbusters flew along the diamond wall, trying to find an entrance spot, but there was only a giant door that was impossible to open unless you were an ancient like Dorcus.

Finally, they came to the spot that the 39Thirty Medium-Large Team Falcon Headwear had broken through. It was already patching itself up, but there were some clear cracks in the diamond.

“I think that is the only way to get through.” said Camyin.

Jaysus shook his head, “There has to be a less...hazardous way.”

Nick sadly agreed with Camyin. Buster Barked.

With a quick jerk of the gear stick, Nick slowly reversed the space herse, before slamming on the accelerator and going into lightspeed. The space herse blasted towards the diamond, and with a solid CRRr-ACK!!! the ship broke through the diamond. Shards flew everywhere, but the strange gravitational pull sucked them back to where they belonged.

The Twilight Zone. It was a very, very dull oblivion, almost underscribed dull. The spaceship was surrounded by a gigantic room the same colour as nothing. In the corner of the room, a dusty old man in a train conductor's uniform was seated in a wicker chair reading a newspaper from 1912 (which was many years ago). You could tell because the headlines said ‘Titanic Sinks, What A Bummer!’.

Nick eased the ship into landing, and the Ballbusters trotted down the loading ramp.

“He-ll-oo.” said the old man in a slow, rickety voice. “I a-m th-e pro-tec-tor o-f th-e Twi-light Zo-ne.” He stood up and held out his hand. Jaysus shook it, and the protector of the Twilight Zone crumbled to dust.

“Well that’s awkward.” said Jaysus.

“Woof!” said Buster.

Before any other comments could be made, the ashes began to move, and a very young man in a train conductor's uniform burst from them. He had snappy eyes and was holding a newspaper from today.

“Hello! My name is Billy Bob, and I am the new protector of the Twilight Zone. I’m afraid my predecessor had gone a bit over his expiry date.”

The Ballbusters nodded in confusion.

“Anyway, I’m afraid that no-one is allowed in The Twilight Zone, so I’ll have to kill you. Sorry!” Billy Bob unsheathed a three metre sword and swung it towards his new enemies, who jumped backwards.

“Hey, it won’t hurt that much!” Billy Bob slashed his sword at Jaysus’ heels.

It was at that moment, that the Ballbusters decided they had had enough. They charged towards him like a pack of wolves, but he used his magic to blast them backwards. He then pinned them to the wall and smiled maniacally.

“In the name of the all-father King Nebuchadnezzar and the creator bin Theodrona, I proclaim myself judge,”

Buster galloped towards Billy Bob.

“Jury,”

Buster jumped into the air.

“And executioner!”

Buster bit Billy Bob in the painful spot.

I think you know why they were called the ‘Ballbusters’ now. Ha, ha, ha.

Billy Bob released his magic grip and fell to the ground in pain. Each Ballbuster apologized as they walked past the protector, who, luckily, and regeneration powers, so don’t feel too bad for him. Chapter # After deciding that travelling by spaceship would be faster, the Ballbuster loaded into the space herse and flew towards the Macroverse. On this side, the diamond wall had a towering doorway so that people could travel between them both. They picked up speed as they flew towards the doorway. A huge flash of light exploded before them, and they found themselves in The This Has Been Removed Due To Copyright Claims. Then they found themselves in the void, because…

A: We want to avoid anymore copyright issues.

And...

B: It was so horrifying that they couldn’t even remember it.

The void was, as I said, an endless valley. Tall hills the colour of nothing stood at the height of nothing everywhere.

“Well...it’s a nice place.” said Camyin awkwardly.

Jaysus slapped Camyin in the face.

Nick ignored them and made his way out of the spaceship. The void was freezing but at the same time boiling, sort of like when you have the flu. Nick shuddered and looked around. Unlike The Twilight Zone, there was not as single protector in sight. The only thing was a small egg that sat idly on a hill about 10 metres in front of their landing sight.

“What is that?” asked Jaysus.

“It’s an egg.” replied Nick, who was just as confused as everyone else.

Then the ground shuddered. Something was coming.

BOOOM!!!!!! Through the side of the Void came a huge grey war lover flagship. It had multiple black flags with the devil’s face printed on the side, along with the words Hail Satan written on them.

Through a loudspeaker, Angus began to talk.

“Hello! It has been a long since Draconia!”

“Actually, it has only been two days.” said Jaysus.

Nick agreed.

Angus swore, very loudly.

Without further ado, the flagship opened fire. The Ballbusters’ spaceship was torn to pieces by the bullets, and shrapnel flew everywhere, including into Nick’s eye. He already had a glass eye, so this was very inconvenient.

Angus continued swearing as the Ballbusters sprinted towards a large colourless hedge to take cover. Being part of the Void, the hedge was bullet proof.

As the battle raged on, the Ballbusters screamed for help. Surprisingly enough they got a reply. A reply in the form of the squawk of a chicken. Chapter #! It was Dorcus (Who (If you remember) went to the Void after she was defeated). Dorcus plodded out from a cave, her titanic bulk putting a shadow over everything. Even the flagship, which was 5 Kilometres long, was miniscule in comparison to the great chicken.

The Ballbusters cheered, but then ran away as Dorcus tried to peck them up. Dorcus then flapped her wings and smashed the flagship to the side. It landed in the distance and rolled over a couple of times.

The remaining Zingzangzoolobaster soldiers clambered out of the wreckage and opened fire with their miniguns. Dorcus opened her beak wide and roared a roar loud enough to crack the earth in half. Any soldier unfortunate enough to not be undercover was thrown back into the wreck and splattered into multiple pieces.

An officer raised his taser to electrocute Dorcus, but the chicken simply leaned down and pecked at his stomach. His guts came tumbling out like a nest of snakes, and he died then and there. The few soldiers that were not dead were still trying to kill Dorcus, but they were quickly eaten or stood on. Dorcus clucked happily and began to dear the wrecked flagship apart.

Angus himself was sprinting towards the Ballbusters, and the Ballbusters were heading for the hills. They stopped at the top, and were joined by Angus.

“Um...hi.” said Angus.

The Ballbusters aimed their guns at him.

“Hello.” they said.

Just as they were about to shoot the bastard dead, Angus’ eyes brightened. Without a word, he pointed to the hill behind them. On top of it lay a cap. A human sized cap with the words 39Thirty Medium-Large Team Falcon Headwear printed on it. Chapter #!! Quickly forgetting the fact that they were arch enemies, the Ballbusters and Angus rolled down the hill they were on top of and ran up the hill that the cap was sitting on. When they finally made it, even Buster sighed with joy. Their quest was over!

“We made it!” said Nick.

“I don’t believe it!” said Jaysus.

“Woof!” said Buster.

“YEEEEEEE!” said Camyin.

“I am glad. We can now destroy the universe!”

“Hello chaps!” said 39Thirty Medium-Large Team Falcon Headwear.

It then began to change. From the bottom of a cap, diamonds began to extend. An entire human was being forged! When it was done, the diamonds glistened and turned into skin.

This new person looked uncannily similar to Egghead. It had the same skin, hair, eye and clothing colour. The only difference was that it kept on shining.

“I am Tyler Eggs, and I am the new Egghead.” it said.

Angus nodded. “Did that hat just create life?” “Shut it!” said Tyler Eggs.

Angus began to glow. Cracks began to appear in his face, and light beamed out of those cracks. He screamed and screamed, until-

Angus was gone. All that remained was a single ripped bit of suit fabric.

Tyler Eggs laughed crazily and clenched his fists. A shock wave burst out everywhere, knocking the Ballbusters to their feet. Tyler Eggs was now destroying the universe.

On Kepler-186F, the peacekeepers looked out as their galaxy was engulfed in fire; on the planet Nazi, the War Lovers screamed as explosion exploded everywhere.

After billions of years, the universe was dead. Chapter #!!! From the Void, the Ballbusters could see what was happening. They could also see that the explosion was coming towards them, so they ran. They ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran!

Tyler Eggs expanded his arms like Jesus on the cross and cried out in happiness as the fire burnt around him. Not only was the universe being destroyed, but so was the Void, The Twilight Zone and The THIS HAS BEEN REMOVED DUE TO COPYRIGHT CLAIMS.

The Ballbusters didn’t care about their imminent destruction though, so they kept on running. Eventually they came to a giant portal.

Looking behind them, they could see the oncoming fires. Looking in front of them, they could see the portal.

They stepped forward and into the portal.

There didn’t seem to be many other choices.

Snow, Fascists, And Domes
Chapter #!#

Snow. There was nothing but snow as far as the eye could see. The Ballbusters stood shivering in their uniforms, hoping that death would embrace them quickly.

It didn’t.

From somewhere in the snowstorm, a voice called out to them.

“We’ve been expecting you.”

“Who is that?” asked Camyin, both to himself and the voice.

Then the speaker stepped into view. He was wearing a baggy snow coat and eskimo hood, but he had very obvious ginger hair. He smiled.

“My name is Doctor O’Malley. Welcome to paradise.”

“So...why is it paradise?” asked Jaysus.

Dr. O’Malley sighed, “Well, I just wanted the final sentence of the previous part to sound really dramatic.”

“You mean this isn’t actually paradise?” asked Jaysus.

“No, it isn’t.”

“Does that mean it’s hel?” asked Jaysus.

“Look...just shut up.”

Camyin laughed at Jayus. Buster barked.

“Anyway, you people look freezing.” said Dr. O’Malley.

Nick agreed “Well, we are quite cold.”

Dr. O’Malley explained that they were in the dimension of Snowlandia, and that they had been teleported there when they ran into one of the special portals. He also told them that all the chickens had returned to the sea, and all the eggs had hatched when the dimension went boom. The reason he was in the blizzard was because whenever the portal was used, some bells were jingled to call a search party. “The town is just over that hill,” he said, “So we should be there in about ten minutes if we get going now.”

Nick consulted his crew, and they decided that they did need to go to the town.

“Follow me then.” said Dr. O’Malley.

They trudged through the snow until they reached the top of the hill. They stopped briefly to look down over the town-which was more like a city.

Four huge skyscrapers were in the center of the town, with huge windows striped with red ribbons. The skyscrapers themselves were striped with red and green, and they had christmas lights wrapped around them.

The rest of the town was lined with crowded streets, full of little toy shops, and right beside the forest all around the town were the many houses.

The forest itself was made up exclusively of Christmas trees.

“Welcome, my friends, to the town of Christmas!” said Dr O’Malley. Chapter ## They came out of the forest and wandered through the streets until they arrived at the main circle, which surrounded the four towers. Many people of many different species were talking and walking, buying toys, wrapping presents and being merry.

Dr. O’Malley led The Ballbusters through the crowds until they came to the huge metal doors of the biggest tower.

Dr O’Malley began describing the layout and uses of the four towers. “You see, the three smaller towers have a conveyor belt running around them. It begins at the top of the second biggest and ends at the bottom of the smallest. The presents are made in the second biggest, wrapped in the second smallest and loaded into the back of the Elven truck at the bottom of the smallest. From there, they are delivered all over the town.”

“Right...what about the biggest tower?” asked Camyin.

Dr. O’Malley stopped smiling. “That is where we are going. The domain of...the Grandfather.”

“I’m scared.” whispered Nick.

“Aren’t we all?” Jaysus said.

Suddenly, the main doors began to hiss, and they moved open. Inside the doorway stood a single snowman. All he was wearing was a top hat with a rose in it and a red and green scarf. He had a little red nose.

“Welcome back, Doctor. I see you found the newcomers.” his voice was high a squeaky.

“Yes I did, and you doubted me, didn’t you, Frosty?” “Not at all. Pippin! Bobbin! Sugarplum! Alabaster!” Frosty yelled.

Four elves waddled out from the doors. Pippin had a Santa hat and a candy cane walking stick, Bobbin had a normal elf hat and a very sharp nose, and Sugarplum and Alabaster had worker’s caps and bags of presents. The last two looked identical, except for their name tags.

“Show our guests to their rooms and then take them to the Grandfather’s throne room.” “Yes Frosty.” the elves said in usion. Chapter ##! After being shown to their rooms (Or in Buster’s case his kennel) the Ballbusters were dragged upstairs to the throne room. Nick tried talking to Alabaster, but the Elf just smiled evilly.

When they made it to the top of the stairs, Bobbin rang the doorbell, and the doors hissed open. The Elves bowed. Dr. O’Malley and Frosty were already in the room, and they were both standing next to the throne of the Grandfather. He was in a red suit with white gloves and a black belt. He had black boots, a big white beard and a santa hat.

It was Father Christmas.

“Hello my friends. Ho ho ho.” said the the big fat man.

The Ballbusters introduced themselves.

“It is good to meet you. What was the name of the last one again?” Camyin introduced himself...again.

“Ah. Come closer child.”

“I’m not actually a child.” said Camyin as he came closer.

Father Christmas said “Well, I am an Ancient, like the great Chickens that laid the planets. I have lived for seven octillion years. Compared to some other Ancients, I am young, but compared to you I am...well, ancient.”

Camyin was standing right in front of Father Christmas now. Father Christmas put his glasses on and studied Camyin’s face.

“Ah, yes, the resemblance is obvious. Camyin, what is your last name?” “Well, I never really knew. You see, my daddy disappeared when I was born (On the planet Kepler-186F) and my mummy decided that I was too small, so she put me in the river. I floated for many years until I was four, and then I bumped up at the docks. I had met many river folk, so I knew how to talk, and when I arrived at the docks, the orphanage sent me to school. At school I met Nick, Jaysus, Buster and Angus. We were attacked by a Hipposeal, and we exploded it, but Nick lost his eye. We took him to the…”

“Yes, OK, I don’t want your entire life story.” interrupted Father Christmas. He then pulled out a purple cap with the words 0800 Scouts Adventure Plus written in big, friendly lettering on it. “Put this on.”

“OK!” Camyin put the cap on, and suddenly began glowing purple. He took it off.

“My god!” Said Frosty, “The prophecy is true!”

“Yes. Yes it is.” said Father Christmas. “Camyin…” The Ballbusters listened to what was about to be said.

“The prophecy says, that whosoever can wield the power of the 0800 Scouts Adventure Plus is the son or daughter of a human and...an Ancient.”

Camyin gasped. “So you’re saying...you’re saying…”

“Yes Camyin. I am your father.” Chapter ##!! “Oh. I thought you were going to say something completely different.”

“Right…” Father Christmas paused. “The prophecy also says that the wielder of the great cap will kill me, so I’m going to have you all executed in the town circle tomorrow morning, ho ho ho!”

Bobbin, Pippin, Sugarplum and Alabaster jabbed their candy cane spears in the Ballbusters backs and led them towards their rooms, which were all connected by doors.

When the Elves had left, the Ballbusters all sat down to plan their escape.

Nick said: “Welcome, everyone, to the one hundred and tenth meeting of the Ballbusters. As you know, Camyin’s newly discovered father has sentenced us all to death in the morning. Any ideas for an escape?”

“Woof!” said buster.

“Great scott! That might just work!” exclaimed Jaysus.

“What did he say?” asked Nick.

“What do you think he said?” mumbled Camyin.

“I honestly have no idea.” “Yeah, neither do I. What did he say Jaysus?”

“He said that we should wait until morning, get our heads chopped off, and then have Dr. O’Malley sew them back on.”

“Yeah, that’s definitely going to work.” Chapter ##!!! Before any war could break out, the door broke out, and Dr. O’Malley stood in the doorway with a bazooka. “Come on! This is a rescue!” he said “Why are you saving us?” asked the Ballbusters.

“Well, if you die than I wasted time trying to find you, and also Frosty gets payed more, even though I do more work. This is a great revenge.” “Let’s go!” said Jaysus.

“Woah, no no no!” Dr. O’Malley said, “If we just waltz out, we’ll either be killed by the elves or eaten by the Reindeer.”

“Wait, Santa has man eating Reindeer?” gulped Camyin.

“Yeah...he’s kind of crazy. If anyone tries to explore too much of Snowlandia they get eaten. No one knows why…”

Dr. O’Malley sneaked them down to the armoury and gave them each a weapon. Jaysus got a green and red laser sword, Nick got a yuletide chainsaw, Camyin got a christmas bullet shooting shotgun, and Buster got metal teeth.

They went back up the stairs, but they were blocked by an army of Elves, led by Pippin, Bobbin, Alabaster and Sugarplum.

“Ah, jesus.” said Dr O’Malley.

“Hang on, is Jesus still used as a curse? I mean, my name pretty much is Jesus, does that mean that my name is blasphemy?”

“CHARGE!” roared Bobbin. The Elf army charged forward, the little one foot high people stabbing their enemies with candy canes.

Camyin blasted an Elf’s head off, Jaysus cut Alabaster in half, Bobbin started having a boxing match with Dr. O’Malley, Nick chainsawed some of the little demons, and Buster ate Sugarplum.

Eventually, the heroes made it past the elves, but the survivors were right behind them. When they reached the doors, Dr O’Malley pointed to a present carrying truck.

“Hurry! Everyone inside!” Chapter #!@ The truck chugged through the streets of Christmas, the citizens fleeing in every direction.

“Right, if we keep driving, we should get to the mountains, and we will be safe.”

They drove through the forest, toppling over multiple Christmas trees as they went, until they came into the snow field where they had first arrived. The blizzard had stopped, and the snow was notably thicker.

It was then that the van stopped.

“Curses!” cursed Dr. O’Malley. He got out of the truck, opened the boot, cut the refuelling box and began to refuel the vehicle.

Then a noise began to sound. A noise like the trampling of horses. Twas the Reindeer.

Dr. O’Malley started speeding up his refuelling.

The Reindeer were going into the forest.

Dr. O’Malley finished refuelling.

The Reindeer were coming out of the forest.

Dr O’Malley put the fuel casket into the boot.

The Reindeer were one hundred feet away.

Dr O’Malley closed the boot.

The Reindeer were twenty feet away.

Dr. O’Malley was opening the truck door.

The Reindeer were beside the truck.

Vixen grabbed Dr. O’Malley by his ankle and dragged him towards the pack. Bobbin and Pippin were riding Comet and Dasher. Dancer gouged Dr. O’Malley’s eyes out with his antlers, Prancer and Cupid attacked the truck, Dunder ripped Dr. O’Malley’s foot off, and Blitzem broke Dr. O’Malley’s legs.

Bobbin and Pippin speared Dr. O’Malley with their candy canes, and the Reindeer began their feast.

Camyin slammed the accelerator, and the truck sped forwards. It kept on speeding until it crashed. It crashed into a glass wall. A glass wall that was part of a dome. A dome that surrounded all of Father Christmas’ land. Outside the dome, the ground was not covered with snow, but with rock.

The Ballbusters stumbled out of the truck, and studied what they had crashed into.

“So, you found it, did you?” It was Frosty, flanked by the Reindeer. “Not many people do. Those that have very strangely...disappeared.”

“You are a sadistic nutcase!” said Nick.

“Yes, yes. You think I don’t know that?” Chapter ##@

And the Ballbusters were taken back to Christmas, and put in a prison cell to be prepared for the morning execution.

Father Christmas walked up to the cell doors and smiled evilly. He held up the 0800 Scouts Adventure Plus and laughed. “Look, the goal to defeating me is right in front of you! Ho ho ho!”

He gave the cap to Pippin and Bobbin and left.

I’m sure that will not cause his defeat at all.

“Well, this is our last night. It has been a long time since the Hipposeal attack.” said Jaysus.

“Yeah.” Said Camyin, “It has been. Why did you feel the need to point that out?”

“I dunno.”

Then Bobbin and Pippin died.

“Woah! How did that happen?” screamed Nick.

Buster barked. The guards had forgotten to take his metal teeth away, and he had bitten through the prison doors. Buster leaped up to his friends and gnashed away at the lock until the door swung open.

Camyin picked up the 0800 Scouts Adventure Plus and put it on his head.

“And now, we will destroy our enemy.” Chapter ##@! “For Theomarna’s sake! How hard is it to keep those stupid little buggers locked away! I told you to disarm them!” Father Christmas had just seen the security footage of The Ballbuster’s escape.

“We tried to disarm the dog, but he bit my fingers!”

“You’re made of snow you idiot! Do you know how much snow there is around this place?”

“Well…”

“Exactly!”

The Ballbusters were currently making their way towards the throne room. There was a surprising shortage of guards, but it didn’t matter that much. The doors of the throne room were wide open.

“Hello?” said Jaysus. Then Frosty emerged out of the floor and held an icicle to Jaysus’ throat.

“Hello.” Boomed the voice of Father Christmas. “I have been waiting for you.”

Frosty laughed.

Camyin smiled. “Don’t you remember the prophecy?”

“Yes. It reads: One day the sun will return and end the reign of cold.” said Father Christmas.

“Son is spelt sun?”

“Yes Nick, but it doesn’t matter that much.” Jaysus stopped talking as Frosty pressed the icicle into his throat.

Father Christmas said, “If you kill me, Frosty will slit your friend’s throat.

It was a very easy choice.

“OK, I’ll just kill you.” “Thank’s a lot Camyin. I’ll be sure to haunt you when I come back as a ghost.” said Jaysus. through all this commotion, Nick and Buster were sitting by the fire, eating marshmallows and watching the argument.

“Through the power vested in me by...luck, I will destroy you with the power of 0800 Scouts Adventure Plus!” Camyin began glowing purple until a huge shockwave burst out everywhere.

Father Christmas, Jaysus, Frosty, Nick and Buster were all thrown onto their backs.

“Bloody Hel Camyin!” gasped Nick as he staggered to his feet.

Camyin shrugged.

Then everyone else staggered to their feet. Including the Grandfather.

“Ho ho ho! It would seem that the prophecy was incorrect (As per usual) and I will kill you!” Father Christmas unsheathed a huge battle sword. The handle was striped red and white, and a little red ball sat at the end, but the blade was thick and threatening, without a single resemblance of Christmas.

“Crap.” said Camyin as his father raised the sword above his head and bought it crashing down.

It looked as if Camyin was going to be split in half, but he was just knocked out.

“What? No one has ever survived an attack from my Christmas sword!” before Father Christmas could recover from the shock, Jaysus had reclaimed his laser sword and was attacking.

“Time to die Santa!” he roared.

Father Christmas easily blocked the first attack, and continued doing so for the majority of the fight. Chapter ##@!! Nick unwrapped his yuletide chainsaw and cut Frosty in half. The snowman reforged himself and stabbed Nick in the shoulder with his icicle.

Buster was licking Camyin’s face in an attempt to wake him up.

Father Christmas slashed his sword at Jaysus’ legs, and Jaysus leaped into the air to avoid it. As he jumped he swished his sword in a swirling loop and cut a single hair out of Father Christmas’ beard.

“You little cu…” But before Father Christmas could boost the age rating of this, Camyin stood up and placed his cap back on his head.

“Ballbusters!” he said, “Unite!”

The Ballbusters ran up to him, and before he could explain his plan of attack, 0800 Scouts Adventure Plus teleported them to the edge of the dome.

“What? Why!” Camyin Said as he fell to his knees. “I only wished that we were at the dome! I hate these darned caps!”

“I have...an idea!” said Nick.

“Woof!” said Buster.

“We can break the dome, which will melt the snow, kill Frosty and end the reign of cold! The prophecy never actually said anything about killing Father Christmas.”

The Ballbusters agreed that this could work, and two minutes later they were using Camyin’s head as a battering ram.

“This-OW-isn’t-OW-what-OW-I thought-OW-you-OW-had-OW-in-OW-mind!”

Nick and Jaysus laughed and continued.

Father Christmas and Frosty had heard the cries of anguish, and they were riding on Santa’s Super Sleigh towards the dome. The bells were ringing through the cold in a creepy horror movie like fashion.

“Ho ho ho!” said the Saint, “I see you were trying to break the dome. Don’t you know it is unbreakable?” he ‘ho ho ho'd again.

Nick and Jaysus dropped Camyin.

“That’s unfortunate.” said the Captain of The Ballbusters. Chapter ##@!!! Camyin stood up dramatically and tightened the strap of his super cap.

“Camyin, join me, and together we can rule the Sea Of Dimensions as father and son!”

“What?” “Oh, you don’t know about that, do you?” Camyin told his daddy to shut up and started glowing purple.

“No. Camyin, I have the high ground...don’t try it!”

Camyin screamed and head butted the dome. He was blasted backwards, and he landed in the snow with a solid thump. And then the dome cracked. It wasn’t slow and scary, it just burst outwards, and the glass flew everywhere like and sandstorm. A wave of heat blasted over Snowlandia. The snow around their feet melted away into a puddle, and Frosty screamed as his skin dissolved.

In Christmas, the four towers began to crumble into dust, and the Reindeer were crushed by falling bricks. Elves deserted their posts, and the townspeople, who had lived in fear for so long began to form a mob. The mob charged out of Christmas and towards where the dome once stood.

“Please, don’t leave me to their mercy!” begged Father Christmas.

“Um...have fun bye!” The Ballbusters ran away.

Father Christmas was caught by the mob, but he defeated them by roaring, and they ran away too. Chapter ##!# The Ballbusters were stumbling over the rocky terrain of Snowlandia, hoping that there were no unfriendly natives hidden in the mountains.

“Well, that was a fun little adventure!” said Nick.

The other three did not agree.

Before anyone could argue with their captain however, an explosion exploded beside them. Twenty metres away, Father Christmas was standing with a rocket launcher. Right behind him was a very big Reindeer with a bright red nose.

When I say very big, I mean very big. It was about the height of The Empire State Building.

It was Rudolph.

“OK...dad, can’t we talk this out?” said Camyin.

“No. I’m afraid that chance has gone. Goodbye.” all at once, Father Christmas fired the rocket launcher, Rudolph charged, the Ballbusters screamed, and a portal opened in the sky. Rudolph was getting closer, and so was the rocket, but the portal was nearly at the ground. BOOM!!!

The portal whizzed into the Ballbusters, and before the rocket or Rudolph could hit them, they disappeared.

“NOOOO!” screamed Father Christmas.

Mission: Impossible
They were very high up in the sky now. Incredibly high up. In fact, it was almost unnatural how high they were in the sky. If you could get eight thousand kilometre rulers, it would still...actually no, they weren’t that high. I think.

As they travelled through the portal, they could barely speak. Huge gusts of wind smacked past their faces, scratched at their eyes and tore at their skin. Buster yipped loudly and was shut up by another blast of wind.

And then…

They were in a very nice garden now. Incredibly nice. In fact, it was almost unnatural how nice it was. If you...I have a weird feeling of deja-vu.

The garden was surrounding a very nice looking old building with a little wooden veranda. A sign was hanging off the red roof that read: Welcome to the Antique Shop In The Sky! Underneath the sign was a concrete statue of a very cheerful looking man with a large golden crown on his head. Beside his feet was a golden plaque. This read: King Nebuchadnezzar.

“Who’s King Ne-butch-add-nesser?” asked Jaysus.

Nick said, “That’s a very good question. He looks pretty important though.”

Buster barked.

As if in answer to that bark, the doors of the antique shop swung open, revealing a large black gorilla with a party blower hanging out of his mouth. The gorilla tooted the party blower and giggled a loud gorilla giggle.

“Ug.” said the gorilla.

He then reached down to a little metal box that was hanging from his chest and clicked a red button on it. A robotic voice (identical to Stephen Hawking’s) began to speak.

“hellomynameisugiamanancientnicetomeetyou.”

The gorilla...sorry, wrong font. The gorilla pressed another button.

“Hello, my name is Ug. I am an ancient. Nice to meet you.”

Ug giggled happily.

“Hello...Ug.” said Camyin. “We didn’t mean to come here, we were caught in a portal.”

“Don’t worry. We are the ones who sent the portal. You ARE The Ballbusters?”

Nick nodded. “Yes, that’s us.”

“Good. Come inside and I will explain why we need you.” Chapter ###! The interior of the Antique Shop In The Sky was even stranger than the exterior. It was bigger on the inside for starters, but also there were hundreds of people walking around. This wouldn’t seem very strange, but the fact that there were nearly one million different races of people was.

Ug lead The Ballbusters through the building until they came to a large door with the word private printed on it in big, friendly letters. Very quickly, Ug opened the door and ushered The Ballbusters inside, slamming the door behind them.

“Sorry about the rush, but if this door is open than a bunch of reporters will come in and try to take selfies with the king.” said Ug.

They were now standing on a very long bridge with no railing and a giant abyss beneath it. At the end of the bridge was a large circle, and in the centre of the circle was a large chair, and on the large throne there was a large man (nearly four metres tall!). He had a golden crown sitting on his head, and The Ballbusters instantly recognized him as King Nebuchadnezzar.

Right beside the throne there were three figures: a normal sized man with a blue coat, a woman nearly as tall as King Nebuchadnezzar, and a man with spider legs.

“Welcome my friends!” said King Nebuchadnezzar in a booming voice that echoed around the room.

“Hello.” replied The Ballbusters.

“This is King Nebuchadnezzar.” said Ug. “This is his son, Bob (blue guy), his brother, Satan (spider guy), and his wife, N (tall lady).”

There was an awkward silence as everyone waited for the echoes to stop.

Nick said, “Nice to meet you. I am captain Nick, this is Jaysus, Buster, and Camyin. Now that all the formalities are out of the way, why are we here?”

“I was just getting to that.” said King Nebuchadnezzar.

King Nebuchadnezzar explained that he had heard of the destruction of whatever dimension the universe is in, and wanted to stop it. Tyler Eggs was flying around the place killing random people, and seeing as the Ballbusters basically caused all that, it was their job to stop it.

“I have decided to send my son, Bob, to help you. You will need an Ancient, especially seeing as we now know what Tyler Eggs wants.”

“And what is that?” said Jaysus.

“He wants to find Kiwi.”

Camyin waited to see if anyone was going to explain this. When nobody did, he asked, “What’s Kiwi?”

“Kiwi,” said Satan, “Is the most powerful of the four caps, 39Thirty, 0800, 49Forty, and Kiwi. If Tyler Eggs gets ahold of all four caps the consequences could be disastrous.” “Why is that?”

This is when N began to speak. “The only person who has read the prophecy that goes with Kiwi is my husband. He had it sent to the dark dimension so that nobody could ever find it. Not even Nothing could find it, but with the help of Tyler Eggs he could. It is the prophecy that explains how to combine the powers of the caps to destroy the sea of dimensions. Or something like that.”

“Nothing is (see The Tale Of The Ancients 2:1-2:22).”

Before anymore endless explanations could take place King Nebuchadnezzar said: “Alright, time to go.” Chapter ###!! Meanwhile in Snowlandia, Father Christmas and Rudolph were sitting beside a large pile of rocks cooking a rat over a fire. Rudolph took up a lot of room, so Father Christmas only just had enough room to sit.

As they sat waiting for dinner, a giant portal opened up, and out stepped Tyler Eggs. He smiled evilly when he saw Father Christmas and walked over to the fire.

“Cooking rat, are we? You must be really bored.”

Father Christmas looked at the newcomer and raised an eyebrow.

“Who the Hel are you meant to be?”

With another smile, Tyler Eggs removed his cap and introduced himself.

“I was wondering,” said Tyler Eggs, “Have you seen The Ballbusters recently?”

Father Christmas leaped to his feet. Without being asked, he began to tell Tyler Eggs every single thing that had happened since The Ballbusters arrived, from giving 0800 to Camyin to the destruction of the dome, he gave each tiny detail an entire paragraph of description, and by the end of it all, the sun was setting and Tyler Eggs was almost asleep.

“What? Is it over? Thank goodness. Anyway, seeing as we both have a mutual enemy in The Ballbusters, why don’t we...join together. Find those little poos and kill them as slowly as possible? When we have done that, we can find 49Forty and Kiwi! With The Ballbusters dead, we will have all four caps! Nothing will be able to stop us!”

Father Christmas liked this idea, and so Tyler Eggs opened up a large portal, and the two of them (along with Rudolph) stepped into the portal, leaving the cold rocky valley empty. Chapter ###!!! Bob lead The Ballbusters out of the Antique Shop in the sky and towards the elevator. Their mission was simple: travel to the dark dimension, find kiwi, kill Tyler Eggs, and stop Nothing from destroying the world. How hard could it be?

At the base of the elevator was a small wooden boat. Bob climbed into it and gestured for The Ballbusters to sit down. They did, and there was even a random dog kennel for Buster! There was an endless ocean surrounding the elevator, and the boat silently slid into it.

According to Bob, the journey to the dark dimension would take about one week, especially seeing as they needed to stop off at the island of Shlocht first. Why were they going to Shlocht? Well, the answer is very simple: they wanted to find a guy who knew stuff.

The man they were looking for was a five hundred year old monk named Methuselah, because he had an extensive knowledge of the dark dimension, and the sea of dimensions in general. Apparently he was also a descendant of the monk who looked after Bob in the old times.

Slowly but surely, the boat picked up speed and began to move through the waters. While they were driving, Jaysus showed everyone an awesome movie. It was actually the sequel to the one about the spider demon and the person who got shrunken. In this movie, the shrunken man escaped the tree and found a colony of ants that got mutated by the blood rain. He had to join forces with a non mutant ant to defeat them. Chapter ###!@ After a couple of days of sailing over the sea of dimensions, The Ballbusters and Bob finally reached Shlocht. The famous island sat right next to the edge of oblivion, which was obvious due to the fact that you could hear the waterfalls no matter where you were on the island.

From where they were docked, Nick could see one of the many watch towers that surrounded Oxford, the octagonal city in the centre of Shlocht, and he suddenly felt-agolfballflewout-very nervous. Ha ha ha. Foreshadowing.

It took a while to get from the little wooden wharf at the base of the island to the city of Oxford. To be exact, it took three hours, four minutes and eighteen seconds. When this journey (which was almost exclusively uphill) was over, The Ballbusters were practically dead, while Bob was even more spritely than when they had left.

“How…” panted Nick, “...Are you...still...going?”

Bob shrugged. “I lived here for a couple of years when I was a child. I’ve had to do this climb nearly one hundred times. Hum...I remember one time, when I was climbing with my teacher and some other students. Ten of us began the climb, and only three of us reached the top. That was in the days before the steps were carved.”

“Well maybe they could have made the steps a bit easier to climb.” said Camyin, nodding down.

The steps were roughly carved into the cliff face, and they were only about a foot wide each. Of course, this would be fine if there was railing, but there wasn’t. Instead, as you made your way toward the city, you had to constantly look at your feet to make sure you hadn’t fallen off without noticing.

But the Ballbusters had not fallen. Yet. There was still another three hundred steps to go, and by the looks of things they only got thinner the higher you went… Chapter ###@ Oxford was a truly magnificent sight. The great octagonal city towered above anything else on the island, and the great iobsorbium gates thundered open as traveller passed through. But The Ballbusters and Bob were not in the mood for tourist attractions. They were soaked in mud after a brief encounter with the mud crocodiles of the outer swamps. Gosh, that sounds very exciting, doesn’t it? For that reason, I am not going to describe what happened.

From his position on the battlements, Guard #1 could see the newcomers approaching, so he grabbed his loudspeaker (made from a sword handle and a bucket) and called out to them.

“Hello newcomers approaching! Who are you, and what do you want?”

Bob replied: “We have come here to get some information from the scholar Methuselah. I am the son of King Nebuchadnezzar, Bob.”

“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!”

“Pardon?”

“Wow! I’ve always wanted to meet you! Come in, come in!”

The gates creaked open, revealing the main square of Oxford. In the centre was a huge marble cathedral, and it was surrounded by market stalls and townspeople. There were travelling salesman selling bananas, interdimensional travellers selling model spaceships, and monks selling raffle tickets.

“Welcome.” said Bob, “To Shlocht.” Chapter ###@! They found Methuselah in the archives, where he was carefully reading a large stone book. Methuselah looked incredibly old, which made sense, seeing as he was. He had a ragged blue bandana wrapped around his head, a long white beard that hung down below his waist, and a long brown cloak and robe.

When The Ballbusters arrived, Methuselah told them to bugger off, but when Bob arrived, Methuselah welcomed them with open arms.

“What are you looking for, my friends?”

Jaysus explained that they needed some information on the dark dimension.

“Ah. And what is that you want in the dark dimension?”

As soon as they told him, the scholar’s face dropped.

“Do you know the legend of Ragnarök?” The Ballbusters replied in the negative. “The monks of Shlocht, such as myself, have always believed that Ragnarök is the day when the Sea of Dimensions will be destroyed. There is a theory that the prophecy of Kiwi explained that combining the power of all four caps would cause Ragnarök. Yes. Oh, and the last room in the dark dimension before Kiwi is called the Fear Chamber.”

“Well…” Camyin stopped. “Um...thank you.” And with that exposition out of the way, The Ballbusters left.

Buster barked. Chapter ###@!! From Shlocht to the dark dimension it was an eighteen hour boat ride. Annoyingly enough, the boat also had to be right next to the waterfalls at the Edge Of Oblivion if you wanted to get to the dark dimension.

Strangely, this was a slight issue. The currents continuously dragged The Ballbusters towards the edge, and they screamed in fear and stuff. Rushing water rushed itself over the edge of the boat, and The Ballbusters got wet socks. Bob, however, did not get wet socks. Mainly because he was standing on top of the dog kennel.

Buster said, “Woof!” and tried to bite the water.

For some bizarre reason, this did not work.

Suddenly the boat jolted to a halt and Jaysus was thrown into the water.

“We’re stuck on a rock!” screamed Nick.

Jaysus grabbed at the boat to try and stop himself from falling over the Edge Of Oblivion, but the wood was slippery, and he could not get a firm hold on it.

Camyin reached out to grab Jaysus’ hand, but this only caused Camyin to fall in too.

“Oh for goodness sake!” said Nick.

“We have to save them!” Bob said.

Then Nick fell overboard too. By the looks of things, this was not going to end well for The Ballbusters.

Luckily, Bob had amazing strength and was able to pick all three of them up while rowing the boat. So The Ballbusters were safe, and could make it to the dark dimension safe (hopefully), and a little wet.

The Dark Dimension
Chapter ###@!!! After a long and tiresome journey, our heroes arrived at the dark dimension, where they were met with one of the most terrifying sights in existence: badly animated birds!

“Good god! I can see the pixels!” cried Camyin.

“They look like drunk puppets!” said Jaysus.

“NONONONONONONONONONONO!” exclaimed Nick.

Buster barked.

“Don’t focus on the animation!” said Bob, “Focus on how to destroy them!”

“Why,” said Nick, “Coathangers!”

In a huge coinkydink, there were a bunch of coathangers in a box in the boat. The Ballbusters armed themselves and charged out of the boat towards the badly animated birds. It was a brutal battle, with The Ballbusters aimlessly hitting at the badly animated birds while the horrible beasts scratched at them with their pixelated claws and their weirdly flat wings. Not only that, but the birds (which were supposed to be eagles) continuously screeched like drunk…things.

The birds and the coathangers began tangling with violent fakeness-ness-ity, and with anger and fury The Ballbusters beat the birds to death with the coathangers. Yes.

Even after all that stress, our heroes knew that they could not have a rest, because if they did it would give the dark dimension time to animate more birds. So they very quickly headed into the dark dimension. It was dark.

The first room they entered was reasonably boring, but rather nice. There was a coffee machine (with a little note on it that read ‘Take one, you’ll need it’), a vending machine, and even a PS4. After The Ballbusters and Bob had recovered by eating and drinking everything in the room, they continued on to the next room. This one was much, much, much, much worse. Why? You’ll see. Oh yes, you’ll see. Chapter ###!# A garage. That was where they were. A very big garage. The cold concrete floor was covered in dirt and tar, but there was literally nothing else in the room. Except...was that the noise of a motor? No. It couldn’t be.

“So why is this place so terrifying?” asked Camyin.

Bob frowned. “Just wait. Something scary is going to happen very soon…”

Nothing happened.

“Very soon…”

Yet again, nothing happened.

This went on for some time, so we’re just going to go to the exterior of the dark dimension, where a trio of strange travellers were arriving. A trio of strange travellers that looked eerily similar to Tyler Eggs, Father Christmas, and Rudolph. The main reason they looked so similar was because they were Tyler Eggs, Father Christmas, and Rudolph.

“Here we are. Kiwi is the most powerful cap, so it is the one The Ballbusters and The Ancients will go for first.” said Father Christmas. “If my calculations are correct, they are already here.”

He looked down at the soggy boat that was docked very clumsily on the rocks.

Tyler Eggs smiled evilly. “So, not only will we receive immense power, but we will also be able to annihilate those little buggers!”

“Wasn’t that our plan anyway?”

“Shut up.”

As you can see, Father Christmas and Tyler Eggs had a very abusive friendship, but that is the way it has been for supervillains since...a while ago. Just look at The Joker and Harley Quinn. Or...no, they’re the only ones I can really think of.

The Ballbusters and Bob were still sitting boredly in the garage. Why was it that the only dangerous thing that they had come across in the dark dimension was a flock of badly animated birds? Sure, they were scary, but when you can beat something with a coat hanger, it probably needs to become a bit more scary.

Anyway, just as Nick finished drinking his coffee from the last room, the ground began to shake and rumble. In the distance they could hear the sound of car motors revving, and it was slowly getting louder and louder, which could only mean one thing: the cars were getting closer very fast and probably not in the mood for stopping. Chapter #$ And then they arrived. A giant horde of trucks and cars, all revving their engines and going way over the speed limit. This could have easily been a bunch of boy racers, just like on Kepler-186f, save for one little detail. There were no boy racers. The cars had no drivers.

“What? How is that possible?” Camyin said as he scraped at his confuzzled face.

Bob shrugged. “I’ve seen it before. There was a purple vampyr (a different species from normal vampyres) scientist in Atlantis who found some cars from Earth and made them sentient. Seeing as the dark dimension draws its power from danger and fear, it was probably able to get ahold of those sentient cars.”

“You keep talking about the dark dimension as if it’s a creature.”

“It is...well, it used to be. But I’ll explain that later.”

While this incredibly interesting conversation was going on, the cars had surrounded The Ballbusters and Bob. It was obvious that the ringleader of the cars was a large red 58 Plymouth Fury.

“Hello boys!” said the car in. “I’m Christine, and this is the killer car society.”

Jaysus bowed his head. “Hello Christine. We are The Ballbusters. I’m Jaysus, this is Captain Nick, this is Camyin, this is Buster, and that is Bob.”

“Hello!”

Christine revved her engine. “That’s lovely. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to kill you all.”

And then chaos ensued. The cars all charged at once, but Bob used his powers to lift his friends into the air, and the cars at the front all crashed into each other with a big explosion.

“Ballbusters! Unite!” said Camyin.

And the Ballbuster united. They fought the cars, smashing their bonnets, crashing their windshields, and bashing their wheels. Bob leaped onto Christine’s roof and sawed his way into her roof using his famous sword, Excalibur. Christine roared in anger and spun around, trying to throw Bob off.

But Bob was having none of it. He jumped through the hole in the roof and raised Excalibur and slashed Christine’s steering wheel open. The airbag (which is basically the heart on sentient cars) was visible, and Bob stabbed it. With an ear splittingly loud bang, Christine was dead.

Now that their leader was dead, the other cars became very nervous and very quickly disappeared. ChapteR #$! With the killer cars dealt with, The Ballbusters could move into the next room. This room was terrifying. It looked like a sheep shearing shed, except for the fact that instead of wool on the ground and in the sacks, there was human skin. There were also bloody chains on the walls and skeletons stuffed beneath the floorboards.

Something was shuffling around above The Ballbusters, but when they looked up they saw a human skin strapped to the roof. Right next to it was a very nice pink dress with the name tag “Little Bo Peep”. That’s nice.

But before they could think about the niceness of it, a giant sheep smashed through the wall and attacked them. It had strangely clean wool and wild red eyes.

“I am bufalo bil!” said the sheep. “I kiled litle bow peep!”

So now The Ballbusters were fighting a killer sheep named Buffalo Bill. It was a long and bloody battle, with literally all the blood being spilt on the Ballbusters’ side. Seriously, Buffalo Bill didn’t

even get a little cut on his hoof! Eventually The Ballbusters and Bob put their heads together. “What can we do?” said Nick.

“I think...” said Bob. “You should dress up as Little Bo Peep.” “What?!”

“It would confuse him!” In fact, Nick was confused. Especially when he found himself forced into a pink dress and sunhat by his oldest friends and some old guy who looked thirty. He was then told to walk out in front of Buffalo Bill and say something.

“Hello B.B.”

In a huge coinkydink, B.B. was the name the Little Bo Peep always gave the sheep.

“M...Mummy?” said Buffalo Bill.

Behind him, the other heroes were sneaking towards the door into the next room.

“You should be dead.” “Well, I’m not. Now say you’re sorry!”

“No! I’m not sorry! And I’ll kill you again!”

But before Buffalo Bill could kill Nick, Buster jumped up and bit the sheep on the leg. This gave everyone time to escape. And a good story to tell. Seriously, if this was turned into a movie, it would be awesome. Can you imagine watching this on the big screen? It would be fudging cool! ChapteR #$!!! The Ballbusters then entered the final room before Kiwi, which was big, white, and boring. Bob looked around and nodded back to the others.

“It’s safe.”

Then he stood on a hidden portal and disappeared.

“Oh come on! He was our best fighter! How are we going to go on from here?!?!?!” said Jaysus.

Nick shrugged. “I don’t know. By the looks of things, this is the fear chamber that Methuselah warned us about. Be careful.”

Camyin looked around and adjusted the 0800 Scouts Adventure Plus cap on his head. The room was surprisingly empty for something called ‘the fear chamber’.

Then everything changed. A giant scanner droid popped up and scanned the Ballbusters. When it was done, the droid disappeared and the room changed to blackness. It was impossible to see anything, and no-one wanted to move in case they stood on another portal.

Jaysus murmured, “I’m scared.”

“That’s nice.” said a voice which sounded eerily similar to Tyler Eggs…!

“Um...hi Tyler. Nice to see you again.” Camyin said as he backed away from where the voice was.

“I’m very disappointed in you, son.” said another voice.

“Oh dear. Is that you, dad?” Camyin turned around and found himself face to face with the saint.

Father Christmas punched Camyin in the face, sending his son flying across the room, landing a bit too close to a portal. Tyler Eggs jumped to attention and blasted a ray of power towards Nick and Jaysus. The ground at their feet exploded, and chunks of metal blasted everywhere.

As Camyin struggled to his feet, hoping not to fall into the portal, Father Christmas slashed out at him with a large shard of iron. It sliced through Camyin’s shirt and skin like butter, and The Ballbuster collapsed, clutching his arm in pain.

But before Father Christmas could finish the job, Camyin began to glow purple, and with a giant boom, the Saint flew through the air and landed in a portal with a solid WHOOSH sound.

“Well that was...disappointing.” said Tyler Eggs.

Then he started to destroy everything. ChapteR #$@! Every single item in the room, including the portals and The Ballbusters, began to fly. Tyler Eggs smiled evilly and began spinning everything (and everyone) around and around. Portals and chunks of iron whizzed past The Ballbusters as they spun through this unnatural tornado. Buster snapped out at a portal, only to have his nose zapped.

With a quick hand gesture, Tyler Eggs threw the entire tornado into the ground, and with a solid CRASH! The Ballbusters slid to a halt.

“OK. Where do we go from here?” Jaysus got to his feet and looked Tyler Eggs in the eye.

Camyin struggled to grab 0800 Scouts Adventure Plus, but just as his fingers brushed it, he was thrown aside.

“It is time to die, Ballbusters.”

Nick said, “I don’t really like that idea.”

Jaysus picked up a tiny rock and hid it behind his back.

“Well, I do.” Tyler Eggs said.

Jaysus prepared to throw the rock.

“Goodbye.”

Tyler Eggs began glowing with the power of 49Forty Medium-Large Team Falcon Headwear and prepared himself to kill his enemies.

Jaysus threw the rock. Tyler Eggs was so caught up in destroying The Ballbusters that the rock hit him right in the chest, causing him to lose balance and fall backwards. And he landed on a portal. What bad luck.

“Oh fu-”

With Tyler Eggs gone, everything was done. Of course all bad things must go on and on, and as soon as The Ballbusters started celebrating their victory, Rudolph started charging. But through some insane twist of luck, another portal opened up on the roof, and Father Christmas came falling, right into Rudolph’s path. Ouch. Overcome with depression after killing his master, Rudolph went and spent the rest of his life with Buffalo Bill.

“Hooray! Hurray!” cried The Ballbusters.

But (refer to second sentence after “Oh fu-”) and everything went very...very dark. It was so unnaturally dark that if a shadow man appeared he would say “How is this possible? Shadow is caused by light. How am I here?”

I just wanted to write a bunch of random stuff so that the header for the next chapter would go to page forty-two so that there wasn’t a big gap between the end of all this and the bottom of this particular page. ChapteR #$@ Suddenly the room lit up again, but this time there were three objects. A hydraulic press, a microwave, and a busy city. The Ballbusters knew what this meant. These were their worst fears. The terror welled up inside them.

“Not a hydraulic press!” said Camyin.

“Not a microwave!” said Nick.

“Not a busy city!” said Jaysus.

Buster barked.

But there was no way out of the fear chamber, and all they could do was stand, rooted to the spot by their absolute and total and absolute and total and absolute and total and total and absolute and total and absolute and total and total and absolute and total and absolute and total and total and absolute and total and absolute and total and total and absolute and total and absolute and total fear and absolute and total and absolute and total and absolute and total and total and absolute and total and absolute and total and total and absolute and total and absolute and total and total and absolute and total and absolute and total and total and absolute and total and absolute and total fear.

Buster barked.

Thanks to Buster’s barking, the Ballbusters leapt to attention and ran screaming to confront their greatest fears. This was, unfortunately, the last time they saw each other. Buster accidently stood on a portal, and he was taken away to the dimension of SpontanusCombbust. Chapter #$@! FEAR CONFRONTATION NUMBER ONE: NICK Nick adjusted his dress, sprinted past the microwave, and stood on another portal, which teleported him to another room in the dark dimension. FEAR CONFRONTATION NUMBER TWO: JAYSUS The busy city was unbearably busy! Cars and busses were speeding around everywhere, the drivers blasting their horns and the babies crying as loudly as possible. In the apartment building above Jaysus, he could see some angry hipsters hanging out their washing. They were very angry, because their thongs were too tight.

Busy cities were things only talked about in legends on Kepler-186f, but Jaysus had always had a huge fear of them. Ever since he was a toddler, he had slept in fear of overpopulation in his room, which would (of course) cause a busy city to be built!

“I must confront my fear!” he told himself. “And I can’t do that by-”

He never finished his sentence because he got hit by a bus, which threw him onto the other side of the road, where his body sprawled in a t shape.

(Symbolism!) RIP JAYSUS FEAR CONFRONTATION NUMBER THREE: CAMYIN Because of some insane twist of nature, the hydraulic press was alive and running towards Camyin.

“Come here little boy!” said the hydraulic press.

Camyin screamed and ran away from it, but the press was closing in on him. The only place he could go was the microwave, Nick’s worst fear. Where was Nick? Where was Jaysus?

Before he could answer his own question, the hydraulic press slammed down towards him. He only just rolled out of the way and dived into the microwave. Once he had slammed the door, he sat down and watched the hydraulic press angrily slam against the microwave.

“I’m safe!” he said.

He wasn’t safe.

For, just then, the hydraulic press jumped up and slammed the start button. Without any warning, the microwave whirred to life, and Camyin screamed as the heat waves slowly melted the skin off his bones.

Why didn’t he use 0800 Scouts Adventure Plus? In fact, he only used it once during all the time they spent in the dark dimension! RIP CAMYIN Chapter #$@!! When Nick landed, he found himself in a room lit with darkness from history’s brightest light bulb. In the not too distant distance he could see an altar, and on top of the altar was a little book. And behind the little book was a kiwi-fruit hat. It was round, green, and fluffy.

Kiwi.

Nick sprinted towards the altar, and when he finally got there it was in the not too distant distance again. Nick sprinted towards the altar, and when he finally got there it was in the not too distant distance again. Nick sprinted towards the altar, and when he finally got there it was in the not too distant distance again. Nick sprinted towards the altar, and when he finally got there it was in the not too distant distance again.

Sorry about all this repetition, but it’s history! You have to be shown an accurate interpretation of true events! Also I’m an idiot.

Finally, he reached the altar and picked up Kiwi. It was cold, which made sense seeing as no-one had touched it for eight million years. He then picked up the little book and opened it.

“This must be the prophecy.”

He was correct. He read the prophecy, but because it was so amazingly confusing he dropped the book and stopped.

Just stopped. RIP NICK STUBBORNB So, what was the egg that The Ballbusters saw in the Void all those pages ago? That is a good question that will never be answered. Chapter #$@!!! Tyler Eggs stumbled to his feet. Where am I? He thought.

“Don’t worry, you’re still in the dark dimension.”

There was someone else in the dark. “Who are you?” asked Tyler Eggs.

“I had a name once, but it has been forgotten.”

The room began to light up, and a dark figure stepped out. It seemed that he was made of pure shadow.

“You will simply know me as...Nothing.”

It was then that Tyler Eggs realised what was going on. He was in the presence of the lord of the dark dimension himself! The man that had almost destroyed the Ancients! How could this be? Tyler Eggs was becoming a giddy fanboy.

“I feel truly rewarded to be in your presence, my lord.”

Nothing laughed sadistically. “You can stop with all those...formalities.”

“It is no formality! It is the truth!”

Tyler Eggs took a step towards Nothing and picked up 39Thirty Medium Large Team Falcon Headwear. As soon as he put it on his head, Nothing smiled cruelly beneath his shadow mask. With a satisfied sigh, Tyler Eggs adjusted the cap and bowed.

“So,” said Nothing, “You own one of the caps? What a...privilege.”

“Yes. But I must be very careful. If this cap is taken away from me for more than an hour, I lose all my powers and become a mortal, which is a slight disadvantage.”

“Well, if that is the case, then I am sorry.”

Tyler Eggs’ face dropped, and with one swift movement, Nothing punched him in the face, sending the cap flying to the the ground. The god then leaned down and slammed his hand around Tyler Egg’s throat.

“You...you’ll regret this!” said Tyler Eggs.

“Perhaps.” Nothing laughed and threw Tyler Eggs into the nearby wall.

“Are you going to kill me?” asked Tyler Eggs.

Nothing shook his head. “No. The beasts of the dark dimension will do that for me, and if they don’t, your insanity will.” “But...I’m not insane!”

“You will be. Goodbye, Tyler Eggs. Enjoy your stay.”

And with that, Nothing was gone, leaving Tyler Eggs alone in the black shadows of the dark dimension.